Well, today wasnt quite as depressing, despite the usual chaos, and fighting here...My cat had kittens. 2. and my sister opened her BIG mouth to her bratty friend, and now she wants one. My mom is MAKING me give it away ALL BECAUSE my sister had agreed. Im sad, I do not want my kitten to go, because I will probably never see it again, and im SICK of my mom letting my brat of a sister, run life around here. And its not only about stuff like this, its EVERYTHING. My mom will crawl at her every demand, and command...it's pathetically sick. But yet I get slapped, hit, pushed, called every horrible name under the sun, be put down, among a series of other things, and my sister is treated like a queen bee, with a silver spoon up her ass.

It pisses me off so much, and she just doesnt care, and keeps hurting me, and I cant take much more. Im borderline "Over the edge: if anyone knows what I mean.

 

well just wat i had hoped wouldnt happen(always does)...i feel down again. really never stops...i just wanna die and bleeeed..i have nothing to live for anymore, and really never did...i was a mistake and was told so over and over....Im sick of it all...i just wanna die..dont wanna hurt anymore, dont wanna be rejected anymore..i wanna feel..i wanna be happy, i want help and i wanna live a normal 17 year old life....i want more out of life..i dont wanna have to be drunk and bleed to feel happy....im tired of bleeding and itred of crying and pain....i feel so stupid and like im a nobody, and i feel so so bad....im sorry tish if this makes you mad/sad...i really try to feel better i cant....i need porfessional help....tish you would make a great psycoclogist i promise and maybe you can help me one day..well having you helps me 1000000000000000000000000000000000x's infinity i promise...i just feel ive let you down like i cant make you happy...i cant eeven make me happy..i hate my ugly self and i just wanna die....i dont like the hospital, but i need it...i need the help..cause as a cutter i dont think not one doesnt wanna stop..in theyr hearts they do and  they wanna feel better and wanna be able to feel hapiness and have a good life as well...they wanna have normal families that care or whatever theyr problem is they want it to be better. I just want to be a good person and not be bad....i dont wanna feel bad and i wanna be happy about myself and who i am...with high self esteem....i w a n t t o b e g o o d.....i w a n t t o f e e l h a p p y a n d n o t  s a d a n y m o r e e v e r.....